
Time… time is such a funny thing. You go round & round in circles all your life, looking for an end that will never come and only to realize this when your end knocks on your door.
I ask you… Why? Why ME? Of all the woman in this world who are running after you, needing… no wanting one thing, just one thing from you… sex. Yes, I said “sex”. S. E. X. They are open about what they want, they are straight forward, they said it. You can pick and choose… whom ever you want, how ever you want and when ever u want it. Then why me? I am not after sex, your money, or position. I am old and at the very least I am definitely older than you; mentally, physically, age wise, you name it I am OLD. I am not getting any younger, just older. I have nothing to offer you that would keep your interest in me for more than five seconds maybe (if I am lucky). Then why is it like the changes in the direction of the wind, you keep taunting me, calling me, beckoning to me, hinting to me…of things you never want to give, of things you never want to share, of things you never want or care? Yes, I agree, for some unknown reason you have this power over me. This magnetism, force, attraction, lust (???)…call it what ever you like…I feel it and I am damned sure you do too. I know my thoughts and my body feels disconnected when I am around you and you make me putty with just a single glance.
But let me get myself back on track… Why??? Why??? Why??? Damn it, answer me. Why me? And more to the point, Why NOW??? Why are you treating me like a yoyo? What do you want from me? Just say it and get it over with. If you can’t or don’t have the answers then FIND the answers. It is within you and no one else can find it for you. Don’t tempt me again, not unless you want to finish what you started. And to me, when I say “finish”, I mean either my death or yours. Yes, “till death do us part” and the whole shebang.
I will soon disappear from your life and just like the rest of the world you will not mourn for me, you will not miss my absence. In fact, you will rejoice in the fact that I am gone. I say this so that you are used to the idea. JINNI IS GONE. JINNI WILL NEVER COME BACK. So that one day when you open your eyes and look for me, out from the shadows that you dwell in and realize that I am no more, that I have disappeared, you do not say that I never said goodbye. So let me say goodbye to you everyday from now till the day I’m no more. For when that day comes my eyes shall not see you, my ears craving your husky and gruff voice shall not hear, my lips yearning to say your name shall not say it, my fingers hungering for your touch shall never feel you, my tongue longing for your texture shall not taste, my body dying for your invasion, consummation shall not know the fulfillment. That day, remember that I gave you my all… something which I never gave anyone except you and yet YOU kicked it away with your feet and then blamed me for something which you started. I shall die smiling, remembering you and you shall die smiling, never remembering me and never ever knowing any answers to the questions. Let this be the beginning of the End. Let me finish something that you started…
O’Shadow Watcher, I have a whole diary full of poems that I wrote just for you…about you. You shall see them as the days go by on THIS diary of mine. If you read them, smile, for I like seeing you happy.
This is my end, you shall not miss me for you shall not even know that I am gone. I shall die holding your heart, one last time, within the cup of my palms, feeling it beat a steady and strong rhythm. I kiss it with my blood filled tears and set you free. I take back the enchantment that binds your soul to me. This creature of Fire bows down to you as she has not done to another being, O’Creature of Clay & Earth, as my final respects to you. He, Who created me sumons me and I have to go. And I leave your life in His worthy hands.
Good bye…

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