Sleepy Yet Sleepless Nights...

The night was turning into a series of disasters. First I had the little accident with the hot wok and burned the tip of my left hand little finger, in which process I threw up the cut veggies into the air. They were everywhere, including my hair, kitchen floor, cupboards, you name it, it seems to be there. Next my friend who fervently promised she would visit me didn't turn up & no phone calls either about the delay or cancellation. I wait for an hour and give her a buzz to find that she is in the middle of a party on her own. Ok, lucky for me I had cleared up & showered in that time, so I call dhatha & I went to her place to hang out with her kids they we went for our usual nightly haunt. Tonight just seems so frustrating. Aaakh... Something, no... someone was on my mind and I cant seem to get him out of there. Okay, so we strolled all through our normal routes, talking about everything under the sky and got back just a tad later than normal. I go back home, checked that everything was in order and get into bed. Just then I remembered that my cousin had asked me that he had wanted to chat with me later tonight, so I go online from my mobile phone and lo & behold, the holder of my thought was online. I ignored the little annoyingly nagging voice that told me to say hi to him and scrolled until I saw that my cousin & his wife were online. We chatted a bit and serious matters start cropping up. They wanted to call me...ok the sun is just setting for yesterday in UK but here in the dead zone Maldives, it is the middle of the night. But then the issue at hand couldn't be avoided, so I disconnected and called them. The so called little chat turned into a full on discussion which lasted almost three hours. While I was on the phone I got a message from a friend in Pakistan & I just ignored it, as it wasn't important to me. The conversation is over & so seemed like my sleep for the night. Ok so I gotta get some Zzzzzzs before I go to work or else my nerves are gonna be shot. So I crawl under my beloved blankie and hug my Dolphy close to me and squeezed my eyes shut. I tried counting backwards from a hundred but my interest span is so short that it didnt hold for much long. I started thinking about Mazhab... a muslim jinn that I had heard about from some friends. I wondered what it would be like, if I met him and talked to him as another fellow creature. And upon this thought my mind started drifting off to sleep. Just as my mind was about to press the switch off button the shrilling of the phone made me jump out of my skin. I groan & reach out to the phone and just as I pick it up, the caller hanged up. Hell and damnations, who could be calling me at this ungodly hour? I send of a couple of smses to a few of my overseas contacts as the number listed on it showed that it was an overseas call. I stayed up for almost half an hour and then gave up on whoever to ring me back. So I lay down on my bed and tried to snuggle as close to Dolphy as I possibly could. The minute I feel sleep is within my grasp, the phone rings, through the haze of grogginess, I realize that this time it is a vaguely familiar ring tone. I pick up the phone and said "Hello?" in the most sleep filled, sleep depraved, sexually frustrated voice that I ever seemed to have uttered in my entire life. I caller at the other end seemed to chuckle before replying, "Sabah al khair ya Noor il ain". My eyes bulge out of my sockets and my heart just skipped a beat or two. It was my ex-husband. Turns out that it wasn't the who had called me earlier but had not wanted to send me an sms in case I dont get it. God, I wanted to cry & laugh at the same time. Felt like a dam broke and emotions just flooded back. We caught up on each other and I couldnt help but shed silent tears as he told me that his wife is now five months pregnant. I would have kicked him had he been near. How could he be so thoughtless as to remind me that he is gonna be a dad just two days before the date I lost my son, Ali. Yet, I didnt have the heart to spoil his joy. My love for him has no bounds and borders. I smiled and laughed at the appropriate moments but I should have known that he, unlike other men, are very accute to my moods and emotions. He point blank told me not to cry and then I really burst out crying. How could I not, when he is there, just a whisper away, telling me that he loved me and yet would like to see me settle down, have kids of my own and be happy? So almost after an hour we put down the phone and I spent a little time to wallow in a little self pity. I mentally licked my wounds as a cat would have done and scolded myself to pull myself together. Having settle down once again, I get another sms from the friend in Pakistan & realize it was he who had probably called me earlier. I file this under my "Not Important" messages category in my brain and this time resolved to grab a few winks just before going to work in one hours time.

Ya habibi Hamoodi. Thank you for everything. You were the last person that I would have chosen to talk about my confused state of mind, since you have remarried and all that. But I guess three blissful years of marriage can't that easily be erased from ones mind. Anyway, thank you. Thank you for all your help and support. May God Almighty bless your marriage and your unborn child. My every breathe is a prayer and praise for you. Take care my one & only hamoodi.